5 months down, 8 months to go...

10 rules to handling a person who has a significant other deployed to a combat zone...

1. Don't ask her if she's seen the news about the latest bombing/ ambush/ raid/ arrest/ deployment extension/ possibly invading another country. We are avoiding the news for the duration, do not make us think about it. Sheesh.

2. Don't ask her if she misses her soldier. Duh.

3. Don't complain that your boyfriend is going to be out of town for a few days and "omigosh" you "could just die" at the thought of him being gone that whole time. This might get you slapped, it will certainly not get you sympathy.

4. Don't knock our troops. I'm totally okay with knocking the guy that put them there, but don't cross the line.

5. Don't remind us that we are lonely. "Aw, this must be so hard for you, being alone every night, not getting to talk to your man..." may seem sympathetic, but it's really just an awful thing to do to someone.

6. Don't ask us what we will do if our significant other is killed or injured. We don't really know, and we'd rather not ponder it. Knowing it is a possibility is enough.

7. Don't ask us how many days are left until our soldier is coming home. We know this answer but it is hard to say it out loud because no matter what number it is, it is still too many.

8. Don't ask if we are allowed to visit our soldier wherever he is. It's a freakin' war zone, not a country club.

9. Don't question the couple's decision to stay together. Long distance relationships are tough under the very best circumstances, year long separations with little more than a few phone calls and emails is damn near impossible. Try to be positive.

10. Don't ask if we are "over it yet" when it comes to missing our soldiers. There is no getting over it. There is no getting back to normal. Life is literally on hold until the soldier comes home. Sometimes it's not so bad and sometimes it feels like you can't breathe. The absense is always there, you never really get used to it, you just try to live around it.

Sometimes I am amazed at the insensitivity people display. The other day I was showing a less than symapthetic attitude to someone who was distraught that her boyfriend was going out of town for a few days. 'Talk to me when he has been gone 4 months, not 4 days' I told her. She explained to me that it was different for her. She wasn't used to her man being gone like I was used to mine being gone. 'It's different for you,' she says, 'you're used to it.' Right, of course, how could I have not realized that her man being gone once in a blue moon for a few days was catastrophic, while my guy being gone for months and being in a combat zone is nothing to be concerned about. Silly me...

We have met the enemy and it is us...

I think it's time to bring them home Georgey boy...

This isn't the first time in the last 4 years charges have been leveled against soldiers for killing innocent victims. And these reports have been far from the typical collateral damage that comes with war. Women have been raped and murdered, whole families have been executed in their homes, innocent people have been baited to their deaths. It is disheartening to think that the US claims to be the liberator of Iraq. Our soldiers are being ordered to terrorize civilians by commanders that have spent too long away from home and who have seen too much to be trusted with weaponry. What are we doing? Is it not enough that in Iraq alone we have lost more soldiers (3800) than the total of people who were killed Sept 11, 2001 (3000)? Do we really need to keep throwing more guys into this helpless situation, for longer periods of time and without the necessary resources to do the job they were sent to do? Do we really need to kill these guys mentally and emotionally? Rob them of the ability to discern right and wrong? And more importantly, blur the line between legitimate military orders vs accomplice to murder? The AP touches on part of the problem. It notes that the victims, who by all accounts were not a threat to the men that killed them, were unidentified Iraqi men. Let me identify them. They were someone's son, brother, father, husband, lover, friend. Does any one who lost a loved one during the attacks on the World Trade Center or in the war following really feel better b/c these 2 men died? Do they sleep better at night? Does it blot out the pain of mourning, even just a little? My guess is no. And now there are 2 more families in the world that feel exactly the way any family feels when someone is ripped from them in a senseless act of violence.


(AP) A military panel on Friday acquitted Spc. Jorge G. Sandoval of charges he killed two unarmed Iraqis, but it convicted him of planting evidence on one of the men in attempt to cover up the shooting.

Sandoval, 22, of Laredo, Texas, had faced five charges in the April and May deaths of two unidentified men. He was found not guilty of the two murder charges, but the panel decided he had placed a detonation wire on one of the bodies to make it look as if the man was an insurgent.

Lawyers for Sandoval, who will be sentenced early Saturday, said he should face no more than six months in prison for misplacement of public property, while prosecutors argued he should receive a five-year sentence for obstructing justice.

In tearful testimony during the two-day court-martial, Sandoval's colleagues testified they were following orders when they shot the men during two separate incidents on April 27 and May 11.

Spc. Alexander Flores, who was in the same squad as Sandoval on the day of the April killing, testified they were acting on the orders of their platoon leader who said the suspect was "our guy" and ordered them to "move in," which they interpreted as "take the target out."

After the killing, Flores said Staff Sgt. Michael Hensley told him to place a spool of detonation wire on the body and in the man's pocket.

Prosecutor's cited an interview with Sandoval immediately after his arrest in which he said he planted the wire.

In the May shooting, Sgt. Evan Vela said Hensley told him to shoot the man, who had stumbled upon their snipers' hideout, although he was not armed and had his hands in the air when he approached the soldiers.

"He (Hensley) asked me if I was ready. I had the pistol out. I heard the word shoot. I don't remember pulling the trigger. It took me a second to realize that the shot came from the pistol in my hand," Vela testified, crying.

Vela of Rigby, Idaho, said that as the Iraqi man was convulsing on the ground, "Hensley kind of laughed about it and hit the guy on the throat and said shoot again."

"After he (the Iraqi man) was shot, Hensley pulled an AK-47 out of his rucksack and said, 'this is what we are going to say happened,"' said Vela, who testified under a deal that bars his account of events from being used against him when he goes to trial. Sandoval also was acquitted Friday of charges he planted the weapon on the second man's body.

Vela and Hensley of Candler, North Carolina, are both charged in the case and will be tried separately.

The three soldiers are part of the Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 501st Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade (Airborne), 25th Infantry Division, based at Fort Richardson, Alaska.

Vela's lawyer Gary Myers claimed this week that Army snipers hunting insurgents in Iraq were under orders to "bait" their targets with suspicious materials, such as detonation cords, then kill those who picked up the items. He said his client was acting on "orders."

Asked about the existence of the "baiting program," Capt. Craig Drummond, Sandoval's military defense attorney, said it was unclear "what programs were going on out there and when," especially "if there were things that were done that made the rules of engagement not clear."

Sleeping With The Telephone

He's off to Iraq and I get to start sleeping with my cell phone, just in case he might get to call. Just 7 more months, just 7 more months... :)

Speaking of "Sleeping With The Telephone," just how many country songs can be written about the war? And more importantly, why do 99% of them have to be about the soldier dying? Sheesh.

A list of country songs I never want to hear again (about soldiers)...

Arlington- Trace Adkins
If You're Reading This- Tim McGraw
I Just Came Back (From A War)- Darryl Worly
Travelin' Soldier- Dixie Chicks
American Soldier- Toby Keith
Sleeping With The Telephone- Reba McEntire & Faith Hill

I Don't Want To

An update of sorts...

Bats- the security of my apartment has been breached by one of these winged creatures. The little guy somehow managed to pry off my window screen in my living room and decided to make my bathroom home. James (home for a week before deployment) caught the little guy and set him free. Tuesday night he came back, shreiking his little bat shreiks and acting a bit disoriented (classic signs of rabies). He again retired to my bathroom, but not before he buzzed me. Boyfriend had returned to Utah by this point so my neighbor Troy got the freaked out crying girl at his door at 9 o'clock at night asking him to come take care of the situation. This time the bat was not caught and set free, but rather, it met a more untimely end. Here's hoping to be bat free the rest of the summer.

James deployed June 4. He is in Ut for a bit and then flies to North Carolina on Monday for training stuff. He gets to come home this weekend and the emotional rollercoaster is just about all I can take. He's gone, he's home, he's gone, he's home. And nothing is ever definite. Their little leader could decide tomorrow that they aren't coming home and that's that. It is definitely tough to get used to and way more stressful than I had anticipated. Here's hoping the year passes quickly.

I realized two days ago that I didn't want to do my job anymore. Which was weird. I normally don't like my job all that much, but I always try to attack it each day and get as much done as I can. Tuesday I sat down and thought "forget it." I was over it and could not bring myself to accomplish more than what I absolutely had to. It was like a scene out of Office Space. I had officially hit "burnt out." The rest of this week hasn't been much better. Here's hoping I get a new job soon.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps

Sometimes life is better described as a soundtrack... so my mix tape for December...

Only Love- Sophie B Hawkins
Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
Oh, It Is Love- Hellogoodbye
Save It For Later- Five Times August
Good Morning Baby- Dan Wilson and Bic Runga
At The Stars- Better Than Ezra
Follow You, Follow Me- Genesis
You Make Me Feel- Jeremy Toback
A Girl Like You- Pete Yorn
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps- Doris Day

An update of sorts...

And now for something completely different....
Not really, I've just wanted to start a blog that way. I figured since I have been completely incommunicado the last few weeks I would post an update here. That's right, I've resorted to the impersonal means of the internet to communicate with those I love. Welcome to the 21st century.
1. The boy- Things are still great. Despite my best efforts. He is patient and sweet and funny and all the things in a guy I hoped I would find but never dared hope I could. I never thought it was possible to feel like this for someone, yet somehow I do and it is awesome. When he dumps me I will be soliciting a hitman to take him out. So be sending in your resumes if you're interested in the position.
2. The job- Pretty good. Working hard, still trying to figure most of it out. Most nights I just come home and pass out from exhaustion. I have to think too hard. Sometimes the mines don't seem so bad after all.
3. The family- Are all doing fairly well. My brother is stranded in aircraft carrier hell, but it is only for a few weeks. He's due home after Christmas and we will be making the rounds- I'm very excited to show him off to all my friends. (Less excited to introduce him to J-, apparently the Navy and Marines have a bit of a friendly rivalry- I'm anticipating lengthy discussions over who suffered more in uniform)
4. The health- Getting better, though still not 100%. I will probably faint when I get the ER bill. Not the best Thanksgiving I've ever had, but, sadly enough, not the worst one I've ever had. :)

High Heels and Marines

So, this last weekend was the USMC Birthday Ball. Let me start by saying, I don't do formal. Ever. The only comforting thought of having to wriggle into a floor length formal while wearing three inch heels was that J-, in his full dress uniform, would be a lot more uncomfortable than me. And he was. This makes me smile a little. But then, I'm a little evil.

All in all it was a nice ceremony. Cake was cut with a sword, military wives waxed eloquent about men in uniforms, a few guys hinted at an evening of rowdiness. I felt hopelessly awkward, not knowing anyone, tottering about in a dress that was a little too nice for a schlub like me. But it was all worth it to be there in that moment holding the hand of a guy that holds my heart.